Which End is Up

Carmine, a kindergartener, was brought to my office today. He was not feeling very well but was still talkative.

“Hello Doctor,” he said. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, how are you doing today Carmine?” I questioned.

“Well, I have a cough and I also have diarrhea Doctor.”

I was not particularly sure Carmine knew what diarrhea was so I asked, “Carmine, what is diarrhea?”

He looked at me as if to question my medical credentials. “It’s when you take slop out of your mouth,” he explained patiently.

Suppressing a smile I continued my questions, “How long have you coughing? Did your cough just start today or have you been coughing for a couple days?”

“One hundred days!” He exclaimed. “And the cough is getting bigger and the diarrhea is gonna come out pretty soon!”

He started coughing again so I gave him a tissue and told him to cover his mouth when he coughs.

“Thanks,” he said. “I have paper here in my pocket for boogers.”

“Carmine, how old are you?” I asked quickly changing the subject. Knowing full well the educational cliff from which I edged back.

“I’m three 2’s. How old is that Doctor??”

A little girl sitting on one of the cots, totally engrossed in our conversation, could not contain herself any longer. “Your thirty years old!” She blurted out.

Carmine’s Mother eventually showed up to take him home. He did have a fever. When his Mother came into the office Carmine asked her for permission to lie in bed and watch TV when they got home.

As he was walking out the door Carmine stopped, looked back at me and said, “I’ll be sure to come for a checkup when I come back to school Doctor.”