One FLU Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Sometimes I’m not sure if I am the one losing my mind or perhaps the kids that visit me lose their minds.

Cold and flu season is well under way. The entrance to my office is a revolving door of ill kids. Most kids are quick to identify a major symptom from which I can make a determination whether to send the kid home or back to class. Just when my day falls into a steady rhythm symptom/diagnosis, the anomaly walks into my office. Today it was Benson, a first grade boy.

“I have a fever,” volunteer Benson. “And I’m coughing.” He furrowed his brow, thought a moment and continued, “I have a fever. I have everything.” He threw his hands up to indicate he was helplessly sick.

“Oh dear,” I comforted him. “Let me take your temperature.”

As I directed him to cot number five he apparently was not done with his symptoms. “Same thing I had the last time I was here, that’s when I had red eyes. I had a lot of dust on me then.” Pointing to his eyes and brushing off some unseen dust he came to the point, “I get more sick and more sick!”

“Did your Mom give you any medicine this morning?” I enquired.

“I had nasty medicine this morning,” Benson replied wrinkling his nose. “I have a stomach ache, a headache, a stuffy nose and my arm and leg hurt.”

This may be one for the medical journals I thought. I was absolutely sure he was done with his symptom list. But no, he as not, he was after all…. The Anomaly!

“I can’t talk well,” he continued on. “And I can’t move well, and that’s it Nurse.”

He took a deep breath finally and I aimed the thermometer for his mouth. Almost there, steady I thought to myself, steady girl.

Benson turned his head quickly away from my aim and added, “Oh, yeah, and I don’t walk to good with my shoes on!”

Before he could shut his mouth my expert training hit the mark. The thermometer was wedged under his tongue and I bade him not to speak until I removed the instrument. Sitting back I thought a moment. Please let there be but one Anomaly today!